"Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it unto me according to thy word”.

I hope you again don’t mind my musings and thoughts. While I try to keep a journal, my posts in part have become a type of journal for me, a cathartic release. I hope to start crocheting and creating again, but for now, it will wait. With that being said, I have yet another thought to share. It came as a result of re-listening to Elder Bednar's last CES conference talk (for the 1000th time). 

In his talk, Elder Bednar shared an experience of young couple, not too different from the story of me and Jordon: a young newlywed couple and he was diagnosed with Cancer shortly after their marriage. As I sat here listening to Elder Bednar share their experiences and insight, I cried, knowing all too well the heartache and pain they must have experienced, especially the young wife and the moments at night when dark and dreary thoughts would present themselves and the increased prayers, pleading for peace.

At one point during his talk, Elder Bednar had been asked to give the young husband a blessing. Prior to doing so, he asked the couple a few questions, one of which was, "Do you have the faith NOT to be healed". As my heart pondered that question, I realized that question had been posed not only for the benefit that couple at that moment, but for myself as I again listened to his talk. Something quietly whispered to my heart that the events of the past few weeks have brought a greater insight and growth of faith: while my sweet husband and I had complete faith that he could have been healed, my sweet husband had even greater faith in the Lord's will, which was to NOT be healed, and through his complete and pure faith, my faith was and is still being strengthened.

As my heart has savored and pondered these thoughts and emotions, the spirit has spoken yet more truths and new insights to my heart, I have again felt immediate and complete gratitude as a I realized my dear sweet husband was willing to suffer so much over the last 5 1/2 years, so I could learn the lessons of faith that Heavenly Father needed me to learn. I have always known that Jordon would give a complete stranger the shirt off his back if they needed it, but never did I imagine or know that he was willing to sacrifice so much because he knew that I would not become the person Heavenly Father needed me to be without these experiences.

As my sweet husband has continued to teach me, my heart has gained greater understanding of the PURE LOVE OF CHRIST. Christ gave his life so we might live, because he loved us so much, he loved so PURELY. My dear sweet husband sacrificed everything, so that I, along with so many others, might learn these lessons. I am so humbled and grateful for this pure and complete love. I am grateful for my sweet husband’s complete trust in the Father's plan. I am so grateful for the Lord's plan and the Lord's work. I too more readily need to say, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord, be it unto me according to thy word”.